Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Terrifying

It's literally one of the most terrifying feelings, to be worried about someone. I hate it. It's killing me inside, to not be able to control the nausea I can't help but feel, or the nerve-wracking anxiety that won't let me sit still. I worry it's codependence, that I worry myself to death about how she's feeling, and that I can't just let her feel how she feels without feeling some kind of terrible pain or sickness myself. I'm half crazed the amount of time I feel like I'm trapped in my head worrying about her. My stomach rolls, my heart pounds in my chest, and I have to do anything and everything to not go out of my mind, either in depression or anxiety. I can't stop scanning for her, even though it hasn't been that long and I know it will take her at least a little bit of time to settle her stomach.
I can't stop. I can't focus. My eyes keep darting over to where I last saw her and my body is shaking and my thoughts are going fifty miles and hour and my breathing won't slow down. It's ridiculous. Every flash I see out of the corner of my eye makes me think it'd her.
Ohp she's back.

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