In less than ten words

How to you say "I'm so aroused" without saying it outright to the oblivious?
You don't. You go home and play with your vibrator and fantasize about all those things you wish you were brave enough to do with others but can't because you're a disgusting meat-bag hello.
I often dream of finding someone who'll just dominate me and pleasure me and humor me and my odd and sick kinks, and then I realize that it's impossible. No one would ever want me. No one does want me. I have to fight to even be attractive to others, and I'm a far cry from finding anyone around here who'd be interested in a little bit of action, especially with her around.
Honestly, I wouldn't be in this dark abysmal place right now if I wasn't so sexually frustrated, I bet you anything. This is about the time that I feel the need to hurt myself or punish myself. It's never a good time and I really do need some kind of help or medication at least while I'm sane enough to realize I truly am sick, but I can't bring myself to admit weakness.
I wish I were normal. I wish I was just a vanilla person who liked boys and wasn't socially crippled and awkward and was averagely pretty and was living a real college life instead of one monopolized by work and anxiety and all that. Like, so many people I see are living there life in college. And I'm just slogging through it. By the time I'm supposed to be reaching those golden years, I'll already be tied down by a monotonous job or three that won't lead my life anywhere and I'll have little hope of a career in a profession I enjoy. I'll probably take part in unfulfilling relationships that mean nothing and lead nowhere. The more I think about it the more depressed I become. Why do I even keep on living like this? Why don't I turn around my life, or end it?
Because either way I'll hurt people and then I'll just feel worse and screw up even more trying to make them happy again or trick myself into attempting to feel happy when I know perfectly well that I'm just a miserable person who's trying to fill my sorry excuse of a life with meaningless material objects and empty friendships and relationships. It's all going to be a waste, no matter what I do. My life is meaningless, and it's so disheartening and frustrating to think that I have to keep trudging on, continuing this farce.