I have no concept of self

I don't know who I am as a person anymore. All I know is that my sense of excitement and adventure has been broken by my cruel sense of self-preservation. I don't go on adventures by myself. I hardly do anything without M. It's been two weeks and I haven't made any friends. I'm tired all the time. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I just want Sydney to pay me back my money. I'm not sure even the scraps of friendship we might have now are even worth anything, especially since I'm the only one who bothers with anything.
I'm tempted to send her a message but I feel like I should at least wait a little bit. I should really do my laundry.