Why do I keep looking?

Why do I keep looking at it all, knowing I'll just get angrier and angrier? On one hand, I keep looking, just to be sure I'm right, but on the other hand I know I'm doing it to make myself angry. Like it's not enough as it is. I thought I was going to strangle her after she kept me up late with her damn skype conversation down the hall. She was the one who had a class this early, not me, and yet she chose to stay up all the way til bloody one a.m. or longer talking to "her bae". Fucking shoot me in the head. I want to throw up on her and then set her on fire. I don't think I've ever been this angry at her when I wasn't at a convention. And she keeps whining about me being mad at her. Let's stop and think. Why might I be mad at her?

• Would it be because she rebuffed my affections multiple times? Oh, I don't know. 
• Maybe because after all these years she decided to be some kind of other sexuality, thus invalidating everything she ever told me as to why she could never be in a relationship with me? Well, that definitely might be a key factor. 
• Might it be because she ranted and raved and mooned over Connie while this entire time making my life hell? Huh. I never would have even thought about that. 
• Would it be that she still acts affectionately even though she's now in a relationship? Nah, that doesn't make the pits of my soul smolder in hatred at all. 
• Ooh, maybe it's because I ordered a really special christmas gift for her this year that IS COMPLETELY WASTED NOW? Awh shucks, never. 
• Because she stays up late skyping this kid when she's never really given me the time of day? Eh. 
• BECAUSE SHE STILL EXPECTS ME TO PAY HER BILLS AND SEW HER COSPLAYS AND SORT OUT HER LIFE FOR HER WHEN SHE'S THE REASON I CAN'T EVEN HAVE A LIFE? NO. I'D NEVER BE MAD AT HER ABOUT THAT. 

 I'm seething. I don't want to even go home tonight. Which is problematic because I need to for my cat. Maybe I can convince them to lock him in the bathroom for tonight or something. Mel might do that for me. You know, these past few weeks, she's been pretty okay. Maybe I'll get a chain and put the ring I got for her and give it to Mel instead. It would work. Then I could get her some shitty christmas present I don't even care about and call it done. Sounds good to me.