Was she ever sad she couldn't reciprocate my feelings? Was she ever sad that she knew I liked her, but that she couldn't share in that? Did she ever feel bad bringing them up in front of me, knowing it hurt? Probably not. We all know she isn't really human.
But for better or for worse, I am, and it's killing me. I wanted to have feelings again, and maybe I got them, but in the process I'm hurting people I care about too. I just. Can't be in a relationship with them. They seem to be getting things together, but I have no feelings for them, and I'm upset that I can't reciprocate their feelings. It isn't like before, when I could just fake it long enough until it was convincing. I don't want to hurt them even more, and I don't want to lie about the fact that I might finally have feelings for someone new, after not being able to have feelings for anyone but her. I'm hurting them, using them even though sometimes I don't realize it or want to, and I don't know how to stop, without cutting them off. Which I also don't want to do because I care about them but don't want to hurt them. This just fucking sucks. Why can't something go smoothly for once?
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