1. Money. If Sydney doesn't get her money in order, I don't even know what I'm going to do. If her big policy is take care of yourself, well, I'll take care of myself, but that just means she has to fucking step up to the plate and pay her own bills and rent and food and gas. I'm not saying I won't pitch in where I should, and maybe even do a little extra some times, but she will owe me $163, if we're not counting the loan I gave her at the beginning of the last semester to buy her books of $100. It might even be more than $163 if she makes me pay her rent too. I can't keep doing this. It's wearing me down to bone and I just feel exhausted all the time. I'm not a miracle worker. I'm not a charity either. I'm a person, and I can't just keep giving away all my money. I've gotten to the point where I don't even eat unless it's a communal meal because I can't afford to eat unless I'm feeding us both.
2. Mel. I'm not her doctor. I'm not her datemate. I'm not her anything. I don't want to be anything to her either. I'm to the point where I don't even want to go to our apartment because she makes it unbearable to be there. She forces me to hug her or let her hold on to me or touch me or lay next to me, and I hate it. I hate it when she touches me. It's even worse when she invades my space. I don't mind when Sydney does it, because she doesn't force me to allow her in to my room. She either comes in or she doesn't. She doesn't guilt me into letting her in. If I didn't already hate Mel, when she forces me to say yes to her or face the consequences of her manipulative behavior, it just makes it so much worse. I can't stand her. I hate almost everything about her, and no amount of sleep changes that. It doesn't matter the situation. I can't stand her, and nothing she does changes that. She's past the point of no return, and that's saying something, because there are few people I've ever had a lasting grudge against. She keeps asking me if I still love her, or all these things, and I've never loved her. I will never love her. I don't even like her. I can hardly tolerate her.
Oh god, I told her. I just practically wrote out the politer version of #1 up there. And sent it. In message form.
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