Why aren't they working?

I'm taking crazy pills now, (read, prozac) and they're supposed to make me a better person. Well, not a better person, but a more sane person, obviously. But I don't think they're working. Tomorrow I up the dose by another ten mg, which I hope will fix me. The doctor warned that it might upset my stomach, which worries me a bit. I hope my stomach is okay with the dose. I need to up the dose to be normal. I find myself getting angry again, and I know I can't. I have to be normal, and not let my anger get out. Because my anger isn't normal, or good. I need to keep it contained, because it's not good to get so angry or pissed off by so many things. I have to be tolerant and calm.
I just get so irritated by all the things she does sometimes. She's paying fucking money for college, why isn't she taking it more seriously? Especially when she's accruing debt over it? I don't understand it at all. Or why she just whines and moans about her assignments and says she's not good at them so she can't do them. Fucking grow up. I'm not good at a lot of things but that doesn't mean I don't do them, especially when there's a grade on the line.
I guess it's just another one of those things I don't understand, like why she hates when people wear tights instead of pants, or why she turns on the sink when she's in a public bathroom. They're just things that annoy me, and there's nothing I can do to change that so I guess I just need to bottle it up until I can ignore it completely.

Completely mad

I'm hitting rock bottom these days. I didn't eat well today and so now I'm starving myself. I'm so hungry but I don't want to put good food in myself. It's such a waste. I'm just going to go lie in bed. I don't need to eat anything to lie in bed. I just need to go do my homework. But it's so hard to do my homework when I'm so drained.
It's pathetic. I keep making excuses for why I'm such a lazy fuck up. But I just need to get up and do the work. If I do the work maybe then I can allow myself to eat. I'm such a fat ass, I really need to cut back on my eating. I wish my body wasn't so used to eating. And that my medicine didn't have to be taken with food. Then I wouldn't have to eat at all. I used to be really good at that. I could go ages without eating before, but now I'm so used to being a fat ass that it hurts to be so hungry.
I hate myself.

Please, no one inconvenience themselves

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm gonna sit at home alone and read the Odyssey. I'm going to pretend it's not even my birthday. I'm going to go about my day doing everything as normal as I possibly can, without talking to anyone.
I mean, come on. It's not like it's rocket science to even bake me a fucking cupcake. I work myself to death to make other people happy, and they can't even figure out or try to make me happy. The only people who even bother aren't even people who are big contributors in my life. What does that say that the people I care about don't even give enough of a damn to try and make me happy on my own fucking birthday?
I just wanted a fucking homemade cupcake. Go screw yourselves. Consider all of our friendships terminated.
I just want to go hang out with people I hardly know, have someone actually tell me I'm pretty for once and not sound like they're getting paid to say it, to enjoy myself, to do what I want, when I want to, to eat what I want, to say what I want, to get what I want. I realize that's all pretty extreme. But then again it's my birthday. Maybe the universe will humor me and at least allow me to enjoy myself this once.