Talking to my friends and my girlfriend is pointless. Talking to anyone my age is pointless. The only thing I see in people around me is their uselessness and their inability to take care of themselves. I don't rely on anyone around me because I don't trust them to get anything done.
I just feel so disgusting today. My body feels gross, my head feels weird, and I'm in such a funk that I can't do anything. Nothing I do makes me feel better. I can't even bring myself to care that I'm going to fail my latin class. Or that I'm pushing everyone away again. I don't really care. If I bring myself down to it, I find people really annoying. All they're doing is vying for attention and it pisses me off. Who cares about their problems? So what. No one cares about anything that doesn't benefit them in some way. I'm so sick of people. Why should I have to play this game around all these useless people and do all this meaningless shit just because they can't get their act together? It makes my life so much more difficult. It's not my fault they're so bad at this. So why should their actions reflect on my quality of life? I mean, honestly. Like this latin class for one. The teacher didn't even make it coherent. So of course I'm going to fail. With the added pressures of life and the fact that I just don't care enough to pass it, it's just not going to happen. Is it going to reflect on my gpa? Probably. I don't really care. I don't see myself anywhere in ten years, let alone five, let alone one.
I just realized. Hey guys, I made it. I made it to eighteen. And guess what? My life is no different than it was. If killing myself wasn't such an effort I'd do it.
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