Talking to my friends and my girlfriend is pointless. Talking to anyone my age is pointless. The only thing I see in people around me is their uselessness and their inability to take care of themselves. I don't rely on anyone around me because I don't trust them to get anything done.
I just feel so disgusting today. My body feels gross, my head feels weird, and I'm in such a funk that I can't do anything. Nothing I do makes me feel better. I can't even bring myself to care that I'm going to fail my latin class. Or that I'm pushing everyone away again. I don't really care. If I bring myself down to it, I find people really annoying. All they're doing is vying for attention and it pisses me off. Who cares about their problems? So what. No one cares about anything that doesn't benefit them in some way. I'm so sick of people. Why should I have to play this game around all these useless people and do all this meaningless shit just because they can't get their act together? It makes my life so much more difficult. It's not my fault they're so bad at this. So why should their actions reflect on my quality of life? I mean, honestly. Like this latin class for one. The teacher didn't even make it coherent. So of course I'm going to fail. With the added pressures of life and the fact that I just don't care enough to pass it, it's just not going to happen. Is it going to reflect on my gpa? Probably. I don't really care. I don't see myself anywhere in ten years, let alone five, let alone one.
I just realized. Hey guys, I made it. I made it to eighteen. And guess what? My life is no different than it was. If killing myself wasn't such an effort I'd do it.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Push them away before they hurt me?
Yes, I realize a bunch of Sherlockians must find this blog looking for sherlock stuff, and think I'm a hipster who has no idea what this title means.
I am unfortunately in the fandom too. Unfortunately.
I know it's a bad idea to push away my friends. But they're just going to hurt me. So I'm pushing them away so once they get rid of me, it'll hurt less, because I was already used to them being gone.
But I feel like that's a bad idea. I haven't even really talked to my girlfriend today, though she hasn't really attempted to talk back tonight. And I've given up on my best friend honestly, because she's got a new group of friends.
And I really want to go to MetroCon this summer, but she'll be going as well and it'll just suck if I have to go with her. I really want to go as Vriska or Feferi for Metro. But. Her. And I want to wear my Leafeon cosplay again there as well, because it'll be lightweight and not so hot to wear. Because Florida, mid summer. We're gonna be melting our balls off. I hope body paint is sweat proof once you put on the sealer.
Welp, I guess my semi-angsty rant is over because Homestuck kind of cheered me up. How weird.
I am unfortunately in the fandom too. Unfortunately.
I know it's a bad idea to push away my friends. But they're just going to hurt me. So I'm pushing them away so once they get rid of me, it'll hurt less, because I was already used to them being gone.
But I feel like that's a bad idea. I haven't even really talked to my girlfriend today, though she hasn't really attempted to talk back tonight. And I've given up on my best friend honestly, because she's got a new group of friends.
And I really want to go to MetroCon this summer, but she'll be going as well and it'll just suck if I have to go with her. I really want to go as Vriska or Feferi for Metro. But. Her. And I want to wear my Leafeon cosplay again there as well, because it'll be lightweight and not so hot to wear. Because Florida, mid summer. We're gonna be melting our balls off. I hope body paint is sweat proof once you put on the sealer.
Welp, I guess my semi-angsty rant is over because Homestuck kind of cheered me up. How weird.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
I love this music
Falling in Reverse describes my life. Friends who betray you, who needs friends, who needs 'em? Who needs to care about any other fucking person in the universe, because they don't care about you. No one cares about anyone but themselves, and if they say differently they're lying. Because I tried caring about others, and all it ever did was make me want to kill myself. I don't ever want to fucking care again. People are useless.
What's the point of friends, I hate 'em. Friends only like me when I do shit for them. Friends only like me when I'm happy. For all I care, friends can go fall right off their high and mighty horses and into a dagger pit.
You've all left my heart black and blue, so while you're at it, why don't you just go slit your wrists for me? Not enough to kill yourselves, no, I want that pleasure. I want to hurt all of you, hurt you like you hurt me, play on all of your insecurities, make it hurt, make you quiver, make you cry, make you willing to change, to do anything, just to make the pain stop. And when you think I'm going to relent, that I'm going to cut you, inch by inch, until you're screaming my name. Yeah. Because why should I care anymore if you think I'm a sick fuck? You're the ones who made me this way.
What's the point of friends, I hate 'em. Friends only like me when I do shit for them. Friends only like me when I'm happy. For all I care, friends can go fall right off their high and mighty horses and into a dagger pit.
You've all left my heart black and blue, so while you're at it, why don't you just go slit your wrists for me? Not enough to kill yourselves, no, I want that pleasure. I want to hurt all of you, hurt you like you hurt me, play on all of your insecurities, make it hurt, make you quiver, make you cry, make you willing to change, to do anything, just to make the pain stop. And when you think I'm going to relent, that I'm going to cut you, inch by inch, until you're screaming my name. Yeah. Because why should I care anymore if you think I'm a sick fuck? You're the ones who made me this way.
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