People only like you for what you do for them

I don't get how shaking this glitter jar is going to make me any less worthless.
I mean, it's not like each and every little glitter is telling me to stay alive. I know I have to. But I'm just so tired of thinking I'm important and then being second best. Or not best at all.
I just want to cry. To turn off the lights, sit in the closet, and cry. It's pathetic, and weak, but I guess that's what I am now.
I just want someone to pick me up by the scruff of my neck, and tell me what to do. I'm tired of thinking. I just want to turn off my brain. Don't want to be here anymore. Just want to be empty, doing the living thing, not caring, just going through the motions. If I have to keep living, can life just go super fast? Can I get this over with?
Because I'm so tired.
And I'm fucking tired of having to have to be used, just for people to talk to me. Why can't I be worth talking to, and liking, and caring about, and loving, and just...why?
I wish I could talk about my problems. But I can't. Because these are all just stupid thoughts in my head, it's nothing that I should bother anyone else with, it's not even as if they'd understand.
I hate life.
I hate life.
I hate life.
Kill me.