I wish she'd go to sleep

Can I make like my Christmas wish early? I wish she'd go to sleep at some less godforsaken hour, if only for the selfish reason that I'm so tired of worrying about her fucking up her immune system because she refuses to go to bed before 5 am or something stupid.
Maybe there's a reason behind it. I probably have no place in saying she should go to bed. She's an adult. She can do whatever the hell she wants. It's not my place to chastise her. It's not my place to say anything at all.
Which is why I'm saying it here, obviously, and not somewhere else or to her face. Because while I'll worry and fret and get no sleep over it, who am I to tell her to go to bed? She won't listen to me. No one listens to me. Which is why I'm so tired of caring about them. Caring is not an advantage.

People only like you for what you do for them

I don't get how shaking this glitter jar is going to make me any less worthless.
I mean, it's not like each and every little glitter is telling me to stay alive. I know I have to. But I'm just so tired of thinking I'm important and then being second best. Or not best at all.
I just want to cry. To turn off the lights, sit in the closet, and cry. It's pathetic, and weak, but I guess that's what I am now.
I just want someone to pick me up by the scruff of my neck, and tell me what to do. I'm tired of thinking. I just want to turn off my brain. Don't want to be here anymore. Just want to be empty, doing the living thing, not caring, just going through the motions. If I have to keep living, can life just go super fast? Can I get this over with?
Because I'm so tired.
And I'm fucking tired of having to have to be used, just for people to talk to me. Why can't I be worth talking to, and liking, and caring about, and loving, and just...why?
I wish I could talk about my problems. But I can't. Because these are all just stupid thoughts in my head, it's nothing that I should bother anyone else with, it's not even as if they'd understand.
I hate life.
I hate life.
I hate life.
Kill me.

I'm so very, very angry

I'm in a terrible mood. I don't want to do my homework. I don't want to bike miles in the cold, just because my mother won't let me get my damn license. I don't want to make this stupid ass game board just because my french teacher doesn't want to teach us. I just want to eat. And do things I want.
She was so fucking happy to get rid of me too. So fucking ready to say goodbye to me today, and not have to talk to me for hours upon hours. Some days, I wish she wouldn't talk to me at all. It's not like I can do anything. And I can't help that I get so angry over every little thing she does. What's the point in complaining about it continuously to me, if you won't take my advice?
Ugh. I guess I should have probably eaten. I don't want to go to this governmental meeting. I want to take a nap and slit my wrists and eat. But at the same time, I want to starve myself, sleep through the meeting, and completely piss everyone off. That's my self-destructive side, I can feel it. I want to hurt myself. I want there to be consequences for me living. I want to kill myself, I'm so angry. I hate this person I'm inside. I hate this pathetic piece of trash I have to keep being all the time. Why am I stuck with this useless piece of flesh to live in? I don't need to be hungry, I'm fine. And why am I stuck in this short, pathetic, ugly girl? She's worthless. She'll never do anything with her life, and she's bound to die. I've tried to kill her so many times. I wish she'd just die, so I can either go on to be what I really want to be or just stop having to live here.
And now I'm tired and cold. I think I'll fall asleep, if just for a little while. I'm useless here. I want to kill her.

Spooky fingers

Oho hooooo, look at this super anonymous blog.
No one will ever wind me. I'm the fucking wind.
So I'm gonna rant right here. But I'm not. Because I just need to get over it.
But then I couldn't help myself and I let a little rant out. Oh. So you're going to stay up all night. I knew it. But I don't care anymore.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I don't care.
I really don't care.
I should stop caring now.
Done caring.
Good.
End rant.